This is really hard to write, because it doesn't seem real. I know that most of the people/all of the people/probably the only two people who actually read my journal already know about this, but I have to get it down.
This week has been one major stress attack. I've never experienced anything like it. What with my first college midterms and the amount of work I still have for my other classes I've been freaking out. I didn't really have any panic attacks until another friend (you know who you are) described her panic attacks. That made things worse. I kept getting these ridiculous headaches. Usually when I get headaches it means I need to eat something, but whenever I even thought about eating I felt sick.
Anyway, yesterday...was it really yesterday, or the day before?...I found out that the mother of another one of my friends had fallen down the stairs and had a blood clot in her head. My friend went home right away, but even though I knew it was serious, it didn't feel that way. I was SO sure that everything would be okay, but I was really wrong.
Today things were feeling a little better. I was still stressed, but I didn't feel as sick when I tried to eat. I happened to be chatting on IM with the friend and she mentioned that her mom was having a brain scan today and they would find out what to do afterwords. I still really believed everything would be okay. Difficult, yeah, but still okay. I messaged her again a couple hours later and she told me that her mom wasn't going to wake up again. My friend had to decide when to pull life support on her own mom. I really can't imagine what that is like and I really hope I'll never find out.
The worst part is, I feel really guilty because it's not the mom's death that is so upseting for me, but the fact that it's hurting my friend so much. None of us are even there to hug her! She's now the head of the family and has to deal with everything and it isn't fair!
I know everyone says that sometimes bad things happen to good people, but that isn't good enough! If everything happens for a reason, then why did this have to happen to such a great person? Why does she have to deal with this when she's only eighteen?
I don't think there's anything else to say on the matter, so I guess I'll end it here.
-Maniacalblonde